Are truly worthy images so difficult to understand and assimilate
that they intimidate viewers, make them feel uncomfortable or dumb? A great
image is hard work! One has to be willing and able to be deeply affected, and
this is both feared and longed for. Intellectually people crave a mystical
experience; they read about it, or see an imagined re-creation on video, and
desire to be affected (changed?) in some way. But this has to do with the
perception of what it might be like, i.e., will it make you feel good? My own
experience with this craving started out in a similar manner. What I ended up
finding out was that anything that truly affected me, changed me in a subtle
but permanent way. Then I had to re evaluate myself in relation to this. My
perception had an added dimension that forced me to look at everything
differently. This is challenging. It's so much easier just to fall back on the
familiar, what you are comfortable with. A real change in perception means that
you cannot go back to an old way of thinking or conducting yourself, because it
is no longer honest. Integrity will force you over the edge. Then what?
Relationships, desires, personal philosophy; in short, everything has to be re
evaluated and your position in life, your participation, undergoes a shift in
varying degrees.
Or you can just think about it.
Perhaps there will be a point
that you will realize that everything is different, you have no choice.
Sometimes this is a relief; you are forced into it. More often, this is a
struggle, an usually an unpleasant one. Why step off of a cliff and go into a
free fall if you don't think you have to? Why leave the comfort of the
familiar? True change means that you cannot always act and think the way you
used to, and this is difficult and time consuming. If you are unwilling, it's
also an energy suck. Your basic identity is challenged, how you orient yourself
in the world is constantly called into question. Who am I? Have I ever really
known? Or did I just use the familiar trappings, fit in with the general
consensus, and build my "self" based on what is popular and
considered normal?
Being conscious is a concern that never stops. What are the
consequences of my every thought, every action? This has created a life far
more interesting than it sounds. OK, so I am not a College Professor, but what
am I? A photographer? An artist, writer, worker, traveler, wanderer, a yogini?
I just listed everything I am, and there is more than that. So how do I
identify myself these days? By just being. Every moment is an adventure. Each
day is engaged in the work of being conscious. No longer a pawn, I am a seeker.
A finder.
This is the best that I can be.
Now back to the challenge of worthy images.
The physical sensation is similar to vertigo. Spinning, dizzy, my
mind shuts off in favor of an unconditioned response. A body high, not unlike a
sudden awareness of danger, a threat, takes precedence over rational thinking.
Sound falls away. There is only an intake of breath. Often there is a buzzing,
far off, directionless. A bell ringing, clanging from the inside, or a chill
spreading, the hair on my arms stands at attention.
I cannot speak.
Slowly the world regains its former place, and the real work
begins; what just happened?
What am I made of that just turned into a vital
receptor?
Of what?
There is never a concrete answer that I can call a
foundation, so what/where is an orientation point?
Is there such a thing?
Does
it matter?
I feel different, but how?
What has this artwork done to me?
All of
the known definable positions are useless, but the mind will cling on to some
concrete nests and start building a criteria to explain. The mind wants to
know, the body is more comfortable in the sensation. Demands sneak back in,
jettisoning the little miracle into the noisy background. Self awareness in terms
of public space asks "Did I just do something weird?"
"Did I
make a noise?"
This is fleeting because I just don't care.
Hallelujah, art has found me today.
Now that's work.
